sometimes, that awkwardness around people just comes creeping back unknowingly.
and perhaps today was one of those times.
for one of those few (i wouldn’t say rare) moments, i could hardly find any element of humour for anything i tried to say. and so as usual i gave up trying.
speech isn’t something that comes easily to me (absolutely contrary to some people i know) so forgive the fact that sometimes i really don’t have anything to say. it happens even more often to people i’m close to, cos i know you know me well enough to not feel awkward about the fact that we aren’t talking as much, so i’m not afraid to let you see more of the real me.
come to think of it, the most tiring thing is trying to keep up with people who just cant seem to survive without a conversation. to sound funny and at the same time babble incessantly requires hell lot of skill. absolutely beyond me if it lasts more than 10 minutes. words that i speak without much thought just to entertain such people often turn out as pure rubbish and i’m rather disgusted at what i churn out as well.
yeah i admit, i think its back again. the worse thing about it, is that though you know you’re supposed to reject it, you don’t seem to want to. so it just keeps coming back at you harder and harder. i’ll be stronger this time i hope.